How can you know if you're afraid of Committment to Marriage or you're really not right for one another?
Do you start to feel uncomfortable, anxious and/or break off the shidduch or sabatoge the process in a way that causes the other person to end it??
Maybe you're not even aware that "fear" is the catalyst for break-up. Perhaps you rationalize what happened by finding some justification for the break-up or claiming to "feel" pressure.
If you recognize any of these issues as familiar, you should consider doing some self-introspection work with a qualified Shidduch Coach or Mentor. Check out repetitive patterns in your dating history-i.e. do the break-ups happen often at the same stage in the dating process? Do you avoid emotional intimacy and prefer to relate to her/him on a superficial level? Do you see a pattern of actions that sabotage the relationship by antagonizing, offending, or scaring the dating partner?
It's time to move on in Joy- Free yourself of old habits. Start pursuing Purpose in the Shidduch Process and Marriage - then watch your life become Happy. Let's connect to learn how to overcome unproductive
thought patterns that lead to feeling fearful, trapped or loss of control. Download the phone interview on my Contact Page for more information and feel free to fill out contact information so you can begin right away to experience a fresh new approach to the next (and hopefully right) shidduch proposal.
A Happy, Freilichen Purim!!!
King Solomon says, "The person who's found a wife has found good". Your soul mate isn't someone outside of yourself. He or she is the other half of your true self. You were separated at birth. If/when you can recognize your "other half" in your shidduch, it's like recognizing yourself! That takes practicing living from the "inside-out". Don't hold out for deep romantic love. If you want to understand who someone else really is inside, if they're right for you, you first have to divest yourself of preconceptions, expectations and delusions. You need a spark-but rid yourself of your rules and discover an entire world you never dreamed of or noticed.
We've been looking for compatibility but not necessarily for marriage. I often hear: "When I find someone I'm really crazy about, then I'll get married." In the secular world that's been the mission statement and the system claims some very attractive promises of happy marriages. For the last 50 years, people married only the ones they were crazy about and the divorce rate skyrocketed. Today it is higher than ever before. What happened to all those promises? They failed because they don't follow Torah's wisdom and we're not working the shidduch system right. If you do it , it works.
Don't get into a relationship. Get into a marriage. That means first and foremost define what 's important in your life now, what's precious about it and then find someone who shares those ideals and values. Define and describe for yourself your vision of a perfect ideal marriage relationship one year from now and search for the one you need to share it with. The "spark" can then be fanned into a full blown love that's based on a solid foundation of mutual respect, G-d willing. Be real focused and clarify if this is the person for you, your true soulmate. If yes, don't wait. Get married. (from the rich Torah wisdom of R. Manis Friedman-N'Shei Chabad Newsletter, June 2012 and Shimona Tzukernik-How to find your soulmate-The Kabbalah Coach)
With blessings for faith-filled "findings" of your true soul mate.